Friends and neighbors, if you've read this column for more than a couple of weeks you know that one of my favorite subjects is the wacky doings of those lovable nutburgers at PETA, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. This week, however, is the last you'll ever hear of them in this column.

You see, the PETAphiles are the sort of folks who believe that ANY publicity is good publicity. They don't care what you're saying, as long as you're talking about them. That's been just groovy up until now, as long as their activities were limited to cheap gross-outs and sideshow stunts.

Now, however, they've crossed the line. Like the failing court jester who, realizing his jokes no longer work, tries to shock and appall instead, PETA has abandoned what little sense of decency and social propriety they ever had in desperate search for recognition.

On Feb. 24, PETA unveiled its "Holocaust On Your Plate" campaign, which essentially equates the treatment of and consumption of food animals with the Holocaust visited upon the Jews, Gypsies and other "nonhuman" groups by the Nazis.

This is not funny.

This is not cute.

This is execrable, insulting, pathetic and disgusting.

Perhaps Abraham Foxman, Anti-Defamation League national director and himself a Holocaust survivor, said it best:

The effort by PETA to compare the deliberate systematic murder of millions of Jews to the issue of animal rights is abhorrent. PETA's effort to seek "approval" for their "Holocaust on Your Plate" campaign is outrageous, offensive and takes chutzpah to new heights.

Rather than deepen our revulsion against what the Nazis did to the Jews, the project will undermine the struggle to understand the Holocaust and to find ways to make sure such catastrophes never happen again.

Abusive treatment of animals should be opposed, but cannot and must not be compared to the Holocaust. The uniqueness of human life is the moral underpinning for those who resisted the hatred of Nazis and others ready to commit genocide even today.

So, as of this week, no more talk of the latest PETA antics in the Chronicles, kids. I'm not giving them another inch of space.

Now, let's get on to some lighter topics, eh? Winter has us in its full grasp, and it seems that our grip on reality is getting as slick as an iced flagstone.

Art For Snow's Sake

Crystal Lynn, of Kent, Ohio, had to take a tablecloth to her snow woman sculpture after neighbors complained that it was a bit too anatomically correct. The snowy "attributes" were too large to cover with a shirt, so she used her table covering to hide its frosty assets.

Crystal said she thought the police were going to charge her with a crime, but they said it was just a neighborhood issue, not a criminal one.

Crystal may have a profession here. If Hugh Hefner ever opens a northern branch of the Playboy mansion, she could get a lucrative contract creating "snow topiary" for the grounds. The only problem might be getting the Barbi twins to pose in sub-zero temperatures.

Quackerjack Medical Work

The good kids at Kirkwood Community College, in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, sure are racking up some good karma. Once word of their good deeds gets out in the avian community, they'll surely be sleeping on down pillows for life.

Linda Kennedy, who teaches surgical technology at the college, has a pet duck named Daffney who ran afoul of Mother Nature. The poor fellow lost one foot to frostbite, and was in danger of losing the other. Using their classroom savvy, the students and teacher designed a prosthetic foot for Daffney and a means of attaching it so he'll be able to waddle unhindered come springtime.

Now this is the sort of thing for which I can see large government grants being given. Forget developing the latest round of cluster bombs, let's make sure no duck has to go hobbling around. I don't really care how my tax dollars are spent, as long as the uses occasionally amuse me or give me a warm fuzzy.

Emergency!

If you had the misfortune to be pulled over by a cranky patrolman in the vicinity of Plattsburgh, N.Y., during the recent East Coast blizzard, blame his lack of cheer on Dunkin' Donuts. The truck with their shipment of coffee and doughnut-making materials was stranded in New Jersey, and thus the shops were left with no choice but to turn away customers seeking sweet treats.

I'll tell ya, folks, you can knock out my power, cut off my cable and disable my phones, but hamper my ability to get hold of a hot glazed doughnut and I'll be first in line to get my "The End Is Near" sign and hit the streetcorners shouting. The right to hot baked goods is one cherished by every American, and must be defended at all costs.

Wal-Mart Wackiness

Visitors to the Wal-Mart company's Web site Thursday who decided to splurge and buy the boxed hardcover version of J.R.R. Tolkien's "The Hobbit" were treated t to a bit of an odd description of what goes on in the book. The description read:

On the Battersea Reach of the Thames, a mixed bag of eccentrics live in houseboats. Belonging to neither land nor sea, they belong to one another. There is Maurice, a homosexual prostitute; Richard, a buttoned-up ex-navy man; but most of all there's Nenna, the struggling mother of two wild little girls. How each of their lives complicates the others is the stuff of this perfect little novel.The adventures of the well-to-do hobbit, Bilbo, Baggins, who lived happily in his comfortable home until a wandering wizard granted his wish.

Boxed hardcover bound in green leatherette with gold and red foil stamping, two-color typography, and five full-page color illustrations by the author

As of Thursday afternoon, the entire page had been pulled from the site, although the book still appeared on the product search.

Of course, folks searching for an abridged audiobook version of the tale might still be left scratching their heads at this description, which was still extant as of Thursday evening:

Bilbo Baggins discovers his strength and determination when he and his fellow Hobbits are sent on a treasure hunting journey through the Middle Earth by the wizard of Gandalf.

Memo to Wal-Mart: It's common practice to read at LEAST the Cliff Notes of a book before writing a summary of it.

So, what's weird in your world? As ever, I look forward to all letters, screeds, speeches or professions of undying love. Just drop me a line anytime!